White coat. Heels.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
