so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
