All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
