Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
