I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
