1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize