In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
