He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
