Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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