he wants to bone in the snuggie
Girls should come with a carfax report
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
