why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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