Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
