They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize