the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
