Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
