I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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