I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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