I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
