his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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