So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
