I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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