You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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