The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
