dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
