was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
