You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
