remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
