This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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