I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
