If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I am one with the molecules
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
