i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
