Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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