No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
