Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize