i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
