Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
