It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
