Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
