My nipple is on Facebook.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize