Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
