Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
