things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
