Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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