Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
