We won't sleep together?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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