took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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