Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
