If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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