sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
