I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
