can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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