He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I touched a dick in church today
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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