Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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