If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
