I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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