I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
