I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
