Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
