So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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