and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
