Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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