Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
