i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
