i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
