Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
