I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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