she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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