The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
