He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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