we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
