I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
