i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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