I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
