So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
