I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize