she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
