I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
