worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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