I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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