I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
