I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
