i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
